"The Secret Agenda of the Suit: How Ties, Shoes, and Suits Are Slowly Squeezing the Humanity Out of Humanity"

By: Dr. O & Dr. Freed Om’Spirit, D.O.M. (Doctor of Obvious Metaphors)

Welcome to the Modern Uniform of Disconnection.

You thought that three-piece suit was just for job interviews and funerals? Think again. Behind every sharply dressed executive is a symphony of biological sabotage. From the strangling tie to the bunion-breeding loafers, the "professional" outfit may be the most overlooked health hazard since asbestos—only shinier.

👔 The Tie: Stylish Noose of the Neck

Let’s begin with the necktie, that phallic arrow pointing toward the groin while simultaneously applying light (but persistent!) pressure to the carotid arteries—you know, those vital channels that supply blood to your brain.

This “respectable” accessory not only restricts blood flow, it proudly signals:

“My libido is symbolically pointing downward while my oxygen is quietly cut off. Hire me!”

The subconscious message?
Squeeze the neck, suppress the voice, and look like you’re directing all your attention to reproductive survival. It’s office Darwinism with a silk finish.

👞 Street Shoes: Bunions by Design

Now, let’s talk about shoes. Not the ones with barefoot soles or grounding copper coils. We mean official, leather-wrapped, upward-arched clompers that say,

“I’m insulilous from the Earth. Yes, I made that word up. And yes, my arches are collapsing.”

By cramming toes into a triangle and elevating the heel for no athletic reason, these shoes sever your electromagnetic bond with the Earth. Bunions, plantar fasciitis, and emotional detachment from squirrels ensue.

When people say “walk a mile in someone’s shoes,” they’re really saying, “experience their joint degeneration.”

🧥 The Suit: Sartorial Straitjacket

Ah, the suit. Designed to limit your range of motion and keep your breathing somewhere between "shallow yoga breath" and "emergency inhaler."

Need to lift your arms in a moment of spiritual triumph? Nope.
Want to take a deep breath before speaking truth to power? Good luck—those lapels aren't flexible.

Wearing a suit is like trying to do interpretive dance while wrapped in curtain rods. It's the clothing equivalent of saying,

“I’m ready to conquer the world, but only if I don’t have to bend over or breathe fully.”

❤️ The Psychosomatic Fallout: Heart Disruption via Greed Compression

Now here’s where it gets dark—and mildly hilarious.

When people wear these constrictive clothes, they subtly disconnect from their body, breath, and Earth. With movement stifled and circulation compromised, the heart’s electromagnetic field weakens, replaced by a brain-driven, competitive nervous system loop.

This subset of humanity starts to be replaced by a brain-driven, competitive nervous system loop.

With neck compressed, feet disconnected, and ribs restricted, the body sends out distress flares. But instead of listening, the suit-wearer tightens the tie, polishes the shoes, and files another quarterly report. The heart, once a drum of connection and compassion, now ticks like a Rolex—mechanical, status-obsessed, and cold.

🥁 Solutions? Loosen Up!

The revolution begins with breath—and maybe sweatpants.

Undo the tie. Let the blood rush back to your thoughts of love, not just leverage.
Free your feet. Touch the Earth. Wiggle your toes. Bunion liberation is a human right.
Drop the suit. Put on clothes that let you dance, not just profit.

Because nothing disrupts global greed like a barefoot conga line in linen.

Final Thought:
If suits made us smarter, happier, or kinder, Wall Street would look like a Buddhist monastery. But it doesn’t. So let’s trade the power tie for tie-dye, the briefcase for a djembe, and maybe—just maybe—we'll remember what it feels like to breathe freely and love openly.

Now loosen that tie and go hug a tree. 🌳

Comical Truth