Comical Truth

  “Finally, a King for America: Why We Deserve the Theocracy We’ve Been Praying For” By Patriarch Duke General Reverend Supreme Leader Rich I (self-appointed) Citizens, rejoice! After 249 years of freedom, chaos, and people tweeting their feelings, the time has come to restore order the only way civilization ever truly worked — by crowning a single, unquestionable ruler. Democracy had a good run (give or take a civil war, two world wars, and 800 types of milk), but let’s be honest — things were better when people just obeyed someone in a shiny hat. 1. The Presidency Was Basically Monarchy Lite Anyway Presidents already act like kings — they live in palaces, fly in private jets, issue royal decrees called “Executive Orders,” and enjoy near-total immunity from consequences. The only thing missing is a crown and a decent scepter. Why keep pretending it’s a “republic” when we could finally rebrand the White House as The White Castle and serve loyalty oaths with every meal? 2. Bri...

  “Trickle-Down Town Hall: How to Cut the Cake and Eat Yours Too” Fiction??? Welcome to America’s latest game show: “Who Wants to Be a Billionaire (Again)?” In tonight’s episode, our beloved leaders dazzle the crowd with a time-tested recipe for economic magic: Cut programs for the poor, lower taxes for the rich, and watch as prosperity… floats upward. Let’s break down the brilliance: 1. Charging Tariffs to Other Countries Because nothing says “global friendship” like a 25% surcharge on your neighbor’s toasters. “Let them pay!” cried the tariffs, while domestic prices soared and American farmers wept into their unsold soybeans. But fear not – we’ll use the proceeds to build statues of economic freedom! 2. Politician Immunity: Now with Extra Teflon™ Remember when you had to follow laws? Silly you. In Trickle-Down Town , politicians are protected by the magical cloak of “executive privilege” and “I don’t recall.” They can text lobbyists, vacation with oil execs, and even moonl...

  On Jul 20, 2025, at 9:33 AM, rich oberleitner < richobe1@gmail.com > wrote:   The Beetroot  Reawakening: A Mythical Tonic by Dr. O   In the time before memory, when broccoli ruled the brassicas and kombucha was still just a whisper among mushrooms, the world was suffering from a grave affliction… called… “The Slump.” Humans walked hunched, eyes dull, joints creaky like ancient wagon wheels, minds foggy as a cabbage patch in winter. Their blood was sluggish, their lymph like molasses, and their digestion was a tragic opera in three bloated acts. Enter: Dr. O, the rogue alchemist of Verdant Valley. Clad in a lab coat stitched from fermented kale and coconut husk, and wielding a whisk made from unicorn hair and recycled bike spokes, Dr. O was a rebel of the highest order—once banished from the Royal Order of Smoothie Shamans for suggesting that fiber matters. He lived in a spirulina-powered treehouse and spoke fluently in burps from kombucha bottles. One day, af...

  Big Bad Bill (A Critique of the Big Beautiful Bill) (In the Style of "Big Bad John") Verse 1: Well, Big Bad Bill was a real big shot, With his shiny suit and a plan that was hot. He said, “I’m gonna make this country great, Give tax breaks to the rich, and leave the poor to wait.” He made the people cheer, but deep down inside, The poor folks were suffering from a long, hard ride. He said, “Don’t worry, folks, just keep the faith, The rich’ll do just fine while you work for your plate.” Chorus: Big Bad Bill, he gave them a thrill, He promised them the world, but it didn’t feel still. He taxed the rich, and they laughed all the way, But for the poor? They got nothing today! Verse 2: Well, Big Bad Bill, he had a plan, To open up parks to the oil man. He said, “I’ll drill here, and I’ll drill there, Who cares about the air or the water we share?” He took away rules, made the industry free, But the earth’s gonna suffer, you wait and see. He opened the lands where the oil flows ...

🇺🇸 "Why Be Like Finland When You Can Be Fabulous & Flammable?!" By Captain Satire – Reporting Live from a Leaky Bridge Somewhere in America Let’s take a moment, dear reader, to ask the unthinkable: Why doesn’t the United States follow successful countries like Finland, Switzerland, or anyone with fewer mass shootings and more working toilets in schools? Well buckle up your pothole-proof seatbelt, because the answer is clear: We’re just too darn exceptional. 🏥 Healthcare? That’s Socialist Witchcraft. Other countries (you know, the boring ones like Germany , Japan , or even Costa Rica ) have this weird idea that not going bankrupt from a broken leg is a basic right . How quaint! Meanwhile, in the U.S., we’ve perfected the Wheel of Misfortune™ : Spin it and land on "surprise ambulance bill," "prescription costs more than rent," or the crowd favorite, "hospital gown, second mortgage combo pack!" Why copy Finland’s affordable, out...

  Why doesn’t the United States follow successful countries like Finland, Switzerland, or anyone with fewer mass shootings and more working toilets in schools? Well buckle up your pothole-proof seatbelt, because the answer is clear: We’re just too darn exceptional. 🏥 Healthcare? That’s Socialist Witchcraft. Other countries (you know, the boring ones like Germany , Japan , or even Costa Rica ) have this weird idea that not going bankrupt from a broken leg is a basic right . How quaint! Meanwhile, in the U.S., we’ve perfected the Wheel of Misfortune™ : Spin it and land on "surprise ambulance bill," "prescription costs more than rent," or the crowd favorite, "hospital gown, second mortgage combo pack!" Why copy Finland’s affordable, outcome-driven system when we can charge $600 for a Band-Aid and call it freedom ? 📚 Education? You Mean That Thing Finland Does Right? Finland has no standardized testing , respected teachers , free school lunches ...