Here’s a satirical comical article in the style of The Onion or Mad Magazine, featuring your fictional medical team, centered on silencing science, deplatforming dissent, and the cult of corporate medicine.

🩺 Iatrogenic Intelligence Institute Declares Victory Over Free Thought in Medicine

By Ryduc Press

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a triumphant press conference held on a revolving stage shaped like a dollar sign, Dr. Avarice Grabmore, Department Chair of Iatrogenic Medicine, announced today the successful elimination of transparency, accountability, and anything resembling independent thought in modern healthcare.

Flanked by his elite panel of ethically elastic contemporaries, Dr. Grabmore grinned under fluorescent lighting as he proclaimed:

“We’ve finally silenced the last holistic heretic. From now on, the only 'second opinion' allowed is another invoice.”

🧪 Science is Settled™ — Sponsored by ScienceCorp™

Thanks to strategic collaborations with pharmaceutical advertisers, media platforms, and investment portfolios, dissenting medical voices have been surgically removed from public discourse.

“We no longer need medical debates, just marketing consensus,” said Dr. Vaxine Mandatrick, Director of Public Persuasion and beloved spokesperson for five major TV networks.

She added, “True science doesn’t question—it complies.”

👩‍⚕️ Deplatforming for Public Health™

Progressive doctors who suggest nutrition, breathwork, or sunlight were swiftly removed from the internet under The Protect Our Profits Act.
Social media accounts with dangerous ideas like “Get outside” or “Drink water” were flagged as “misleading wellness extremism.”

“We had to stop the spread… of hope,” explained Nurse Polly Numbit, while triple-fisting clipboards.

🛡️ Immunity for All (Who Matter)

Doctors at the Iatrogenic Intelligence Institute now enjoy total immunity from lawsuits, logic, and follow-up questions.

“This protects us from the emotional burden of having to care,” said Dr. Les Ethics, who moonlights as a pharmaceutical lobbyist and lunch consultant.

⚖️ Conflicts of Interest: Now a Feature, Not a Bug

In a bold move, the institute released its new conflict-of-interest policy:

"We disclose nothing, because we owe you nothing."

Critics questioned why most of the staff hold stock in the same companies they prescribe.
To which Dr. Polly Pharmacute replied:

“We’re not biased. We’re invested.”

🧠 Alternative Thinkers Sent to "Wellness Correction Camps"

Doctors who questioned the prevailing medical narratives were compassionately redirected to the Thought-Realignment Spa, where they received:

Daily injections of patented PlaceboX™
Looped viewing of FDA press briefings
Guided meditations on the phrase “Trust the protocol”

One renegade, Dr. Wholeistic Sunseed, reportedly escaped with a fermented kombucha starter and is now broadcasting barefoot health tips from an undisclosed rainforest.

🚨 Statement from the Surgeon General (AI-generated):

“Remember: thinking critically is a gateway drug to questioning authority. Stay medicated. Stay obedient. And ask your doctor if silence is right for you.”

🤖 Final Thoughts from Dr. Grabmore:

“We’re proud to lead a system where health outcomes are optional, but billing is mandatory. We’ve finally removed the last barrier to profit: patients who ask questions.”

He paused, adjusted his platinum stethoscope, and added:

“Remember, the only self-care you need is compliance.”

Visit our official portal: www.SilenceIsScience.biz
Or scan the QR code on your latest bill to download our new app: iPlacebo™ – Calm Your Curiosity.

here's Part 2 of the satirical exposé from the Ryduc Press, continuing the wild world of Dr. Avarice Grabmore and his iatrogenic colleagues.

🩸 Department of Iatrogenic Medicine Expands into Thought Surveillance & Preemptive Silencing

Ryduc Press, Part II
Brought to you by: PaxPharma™ – Because Freedom is Overrated

🧬 New Division: Pre-Crime Thought Therapy

In a futuristic leap backward, the Iatrogenic Intelligence Institute has unveiled its "Thought Surveillance and Prevention Department", led by none other than Dr. Ignatia Overlook, known for her motto:

“Prevention is profitable—especially when we prevent the wrong thoughts.”

The program uses smart stethoscopes that listen not to your heartbeat but to your inner doubts about authority.

If you so much as think about asking if a pill is necessary, you're auto-enrolled in the Mind-Realignment Subscription Service™ (now bundled with PaxPharma's loyalty app).

📺 Media Coordination: Operation Echo Chamber

Dr. Salena Mydata, Chief Data Harvester, revealed their in-house AI, EchoMD™, now scrubs the internet daily for dangerous keywords like:

“Second opinion”
“Holistic”
“What’s in this vaccine?”
“Grandma got better with herbs”

EchoMD™ then generates hundreds of bots to respond instantly with messages like:

“Trust experts. Stop thinking. Book your fifth booster today!”

💼 Pharma & Finance Fusion: Welcome to the Wellth Market™

With Dr. Billings C. Bythehour taking charge of the new IatroMed Market Exchange, patients can now invest in the very procedures they’ll soon need.
“This is the circular economy of care,” he explained, “because nothing says healing like a quarterly dividend.”

Medical billing codes have now been gamified, rewarding practitioners with cashback for:

Double-diagnosing
Over-prescribing
Using the phrase “evidence-based” without citing evidence

🎓 Continuing Indoctrination Education (CIE)

Doctors are now required to take 24 credits per year in:

Pharma Brand Loyalty 101
Rebranding Side Effects as Progress™
Crisis Monetization in Public Health

Independent thinkers can apply for re-education through the “Trust & Obey” fast-track certification, now accredited by The Ministry of Miscommunication™.

🥼 Staff Spotlight: Hero of the Month

This month’s “Ethics Optional Medal of Excellence” goes to Dr. B. Quick Scalpel, for performing preventive gallbladder removals on patients who came in for sore throats — just in case.

🧼 Bonus Program: Censorship Scrub Club™

All Institute employees now receive points for every article flagged, doctor deplatformed, or podcast censored.
Redeemable rewards include:

Luxury Pharma cruises
“Free Speech is Overrated” desk plaques
Emotional support golden syringes

🌐 Dealing with Public Outrage? There's a Protocol for That™

When confronted with angry citizens, use the patented “3D Approach”:

Dismiss: "You're not a doctor."
Deflect: "Science evolves. So did we."
Deplatform: “Your account violates community standards.”

🧘 A Final Word from Dr. Grabmore:

“Our goal is simple:
Silence the critics, sedate the thinkers, and standardize the soul.
Because in our system, your wellness is none of your business.”

📣 Want to know more?
For unauthorized thoughts, whispered dissent, or off-grid breathing tips —
visit the last safe place for free thought and holistic hilarity:
🧠 https://healthyuprising-dro.blogspot.com/2025/05/healthy-uprising-dr-o-table-of-contents.html

Here is a cast of fictional contemporaries who work alongside or in rivalry with Dr. Avarice Grabmore, the notorious head of the Department of Iatrogenic Medicine — a satirical medical institution where profits often outweigh patient outcomes.

🏥 Fictional Contemporaries of Dr. Avarice Grabmore

1. Dr. Polly Pharmacute

Title: Chief of Chronic Prescription Management
Specialty: Ensures every patient is on a minimum of 5 lifetime medications.
Quote: “Why cure when we can manage forever?”
Notable Achievement: Patented a pill to treat side effects caused by other pills.

2. Dr. Billings C. Bythehour

Title: Senior Consultant in Prolonged Diagnostics
Specialty: Orders exhaustive tests for mild complaints.
Quote: “Let’s rule out everything—including happiness.”
Secret: Owns shares in 14 imaging labs.

3. Dr. Needa Scanmore

Title: Director of Preventive Panic
Specialty: Raises anxiety levels to boost testing compliance.
Quote: “Better safe than sane.”
Known For: Creating fear-based checklists to market unnecessary MRIs.

4. Dr. Ignatia Overlook

Title: Head of Missed Diagnoses
Specialty: Ignores root causes like nutrition, trauma, or toxins.
Quote: “If it’s not in the textbook, it’s not real.”
Pet Peeve: Patients who ask questions.

5. Dr. B. Quick Scalpel

Title: Chair of Preemptive Procedures
Specialty: Surgery-first approach to everything, including indigestion.
Quote: “We’ll cut now and think later.”
Backstory: Rejected from art school, but found satisfaction in slicing.

6. Dr. Les Ethics

Title: Compliance Officer Emeritus
Specialty: Retroactively justifies all questionable protocols.
Quote: “If it’s profitable, it’s permissible.”
Famous Work: Co-authored Ethics Optional: A Guide to Modern Healthcare.

7. Dr. Sue D. Paylater

Title: Director of Deferred Billing and Collections
Specialty: Ensures surprise billing at every stage of care.
Quote: “The healing begins… once the payments clear.”
Office Motto: “Out of network, out of luck.”

8. Dr. Vaxine Mandatrick

Title: Coordinator of Public Persuasion
Specialty: Merges marketing with medicine.
Quote: “Compliance is care.”
Fun Fact: Wears a lab coat during PR briefings, but hasn't practiced since residency.

9. Dr. Salena Mydata

Title: Chief Data Harvester
Specialty: Converts every heartbeat into a monetizable data point.
Quote: “Your privacy is safe—until we sell it.”
Legacy: Founded “Heal-ytics™, Inc.” — a company that profits off aggregated patient fears.

10. Nurse Polly Numbit

Title: Head of Compassion Fatigue Management
Specialty: Numbs empathy with bureaucracy.
Quote: “Paperwork before people.”
Badge: “I'm just following protocol.”

Comical Truth