Comical Truth

  On Jul 20, 2025, at 9:33 AM, rich oberleitner < richobe1@gmail.com > wrote:   The Beetroot  Reawakening: A Mythical Tonic by Dr. O   In the time before memory, when broccoli ruled the brassicas and kombucha was still just a whisper among mushrooms, the world was suffering from a grave affliction… called… “The Slump.” Humans walked hunched, eyes dull, joints creaky like ancient wagon wheels, minds foggy as a cabbage patch in winter. Their blood was sluggish, their lymph like molasses, and their digestion was a tragic opera in three bloated acts. Enter: Dr. O, the rogue alchemist of Verdant Valley. Clad in a lab coat stitched from fermented kale and coconut husk, and wielding a whisk made from unicorn hair and recycled bike spokes, Dr. O was a rebel of the highest order—once banished from the Royal Order of Smoothie Shamans for suggesting that fiber matters. He lived in a spirulina-powered treehouse and spoke fluently in burps from kombucha bottles. One day, af...

  Big Bad Bill (A Critique of the Big Beautiful Bill) (In the Style of "Big Bad John") Verse 1: Well, Big Bad Bill was a real big shot, With his shiny suit and a plan that was hot. He said, “I’m gonna make this country great, Give tax breaks to the rich, and leave the poor to wait.” He made the people cheer, but deep down inside, The poor folks were suffering from a long, hard ride. He said, “Don’t worry, folks, just keep the faith, The rich’ll do just fine while you work for your plate.” Chorus: Big Bad Bill, he gave them a thrill, He promised them the world, but it didn’t feel still. He taxed the rich, and they laughed all the way, But for the poor? They got nothing today! Verse 2: Well, Big Bad Bill, he had a plan, To open up parks to the oil man. He said, “I’ll drill here, and I’ll drill there, Who cares about the air or the water we share?” He took away rules, made the industry free, But the earth’s gonna suffer, you wait and see. He opened the lands where the oil flows ...

🇺🇸 "Why Be Like Finland When You Can Be Fabulous & Flammable?!" By Captain Satire – Reporting Live from a Leaky Bridge Somewhere in America Let’s take a moment, dear reader, to ask the unthinkable: Why doesn’t the United States follow successful countries like Finland, Switzerland, or anyone with fewer mass shootings and more working toilets in schools? Well buckle up your pothole-proof seatbelt, because the answer is clear: We’re just too darn exceptional. 🏥 Healthcare? That’s Socialist Witchcraft. Other countries (you know, the boring ones like Germany , Japan , or even Costa Rica ) have this weird idea that not going bankrupt from a broken leg is a basic right . How quaint! Meanwhile, in the U.S., we’ve perfected the Wheel of Misfortune™ : Spin it and land on "surprise ambulance bill," "prescription costs more than rent," or the crowd favorite, "hospital gown, second mortgage combo pack!" Why copy Finland’s affordable, out...

  Why doesn’t the United States follow successful countries like Finland, Switzerland, or anyone with fewer mass shootings and more working toilets in schools? Well buckle up your pothole-proof seatbelt, because the answer is clear: We’re just too darn exceptional. 🏥 Healthcare? That’s Socialist Witchcraft. Other countries (you know, the boring ones like Germany , Japan , or even Costa Rica ) have this weird idea that not going bankrupt from a broken leg is a basic right . How quaint! Meanwhile, in the U.S., we’ve perfected the Wheel of Misfortune™ : Spin it and land on "surprise ambulance bill," "prescription costs more than rent," or the crowd favorite, "hospital gown, second mortgage combo pack!" Why copy Finland’s affordable, outcome-driven system when we can charge $600 for a Band-Aid and call it freedom ? 📚 Education? You Mean That Thing Finland Does Right? Finland has no standardized testing , respected teachers , free school lunches ...